Tag Archives: rhyme

Hunter Wolftruckle – Hipster Commando

by Chris Buchanan
Poetry, 2026

Hunter Wolftruckle – hipster commando,
dumps a honeysuckle spritzer in tango,
drops a fresh frappe as he watches hot coffee,
ill-gotten stock, venti cups full of frothy

white gold,
slipped under the counter,
not sold.
And Hunter knows –

Back from the hole, a band of coffee chuggers,
thugs on remand from the clink, drink muggers
tucking hot cups into pockets and sleeves,
the city’s most notorious coffee lifters, tea-leaves,
gritty and inglorious grifters to a man –
it’s the Black Bean gang.

And that means that nearer than he’d like
is the fiend they fund with stacked flat whites.
He’s never seen her –
Her ledger’s clean as creamer –
Our hero can’t believe a second later when he feels
a funny feeling from the freezer –
and there behind the steamer –
the omniscient schemer

Fontina
De l’Oringina.

‘Freeze!’ cries Hunter, ‘Hipster commando!’
Squeezes his beanie on, quick as he can go,
flashes his badge and his flat-waxed moustache
and rolls his plaid sleeves, set to take out the trash —

WILL D’LORINGINA ESCAPE WITH THE STOLEN COFFEES?

WILL HUNTER EVER FIND HIS LOST LOVE, TRAVIS PICKLEFLY?

FIND OUT NEXT WEEK

on HIPSTER COMMANDOS

Grubs

by Chris Buchanan
Poetry, 2015

Nob Ed.
He’s a grubby little bastard
and he lets the grubs out, dun E?
He wouldn’t keep the blood flow out
of his grubby little tuber spout if he could, wood E?

He likes to pitch a big top
tent and in his white make-up tin-pot head
it’s meant as a compliment. Ignorant
wanker is what E is innit? Wham bam thank you mammy
when his clammy little mussel’s slid its way down your neck
and you’re sleepin with the fishies swimmin in your keks,
hung out to dry like his shrivelled little swiveller,
grubby little fuckwit in E?
Not like me.

He let his little chicken-bobbing, apple-handed,
izzy-wizzy-let’s-get-jizzy, smutty, silly putty
bouncing turkey baster masturbater out din E?

Like that bluebottle you swatted but it didn’t go flat
on the window, did it?
And its abdomen cracked and a million grubs came out
and it was beggin to be burst.